Our brother's keeper

This morning’s passage comes from Matthew 18:15–20:

"If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.Truly I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them."

This is God’s Word.

The Heart of the Passage: Seeking Restoration, Not Judgment

At the end of the day, this passage is really about Jesus's desire for the church to be a community of people who are always seeking healing, health, and restoration. Even the process He spells out has that core goal in mind: seeing health within a body. Jesus knows what sin can do to a community, and He knows that left unchecked, it continues to perpetuate in a way that destroys not just the individual, but the entire group of believers. It has a way of spreading throughout the body.

Yet, I am also mindful that this passage has been the source of a lot of pain, turmoil, and misunderstanding within the church. As we approach this scripture, I want to make sure we rightly understand it and rightly know how to apply and carry it out in our lives.

I’ve seen different extremes on this. Some of you may have experienced one extreme where people treat this text as a checklist to run through just so they can pronounce judgment on a person. That isn't the kind of judgment that leads to repentance; it’s a vindictive rebuke meant to condemn people and leave them wounded. That completely misses the goal of this entire passage: reconciliation and restoration.

I know stories—and maybe you’ve been on the receiving end yourself—where a group of people gathered and condemned someone in a way that felt unjust, unfair, and misunderstood. But that doesn't mean we give up on the process Jesus outlined for us. It means we should strive to understand it and do it right, because fighting for one another's good is worth it. That’s ultimately what this passage is about. It's not about being the spiritual police looking for sins so we can hit people with zingers. When we rightly understand who we are and what God has done for us, it forces us to approach this passage with great humility.

The Danger of Silence and Passive Avoidance

On the other end of the spectrum, I’ve also seen people witness sin in a brother or sister’s heart and, despite having a close relational connection, never come alongside them to say, "Hey, I think your heart isn't right about this," or "I think there's pride here."

Left unchecked, that sin begins to grow. I’ve watched situations where an entire group of individuals sees a problem, but nobody says anything. Ultimately, it continues to destroy that person's life while inflicting disputes and hurt across the entire community watching it happen.

I once spoke to a man who had been a youth leader in his younger years. He talked about how, in his early twenties, he was close with several of the youth. He knew they were hanging out with a bad crowd, going out on weekends, drinking heavily, and making disastrous mistakes. He debated with his wife, "Is it our business? Do we say anything? What if we call it out and they leave and we lose our influence?"

Those worries circled in their minds, so they did nothing. Eventually, those sins escalated, became deeply destructive in the lives of others, led to those young people falling away, and left the youth group severely injured. He told me it was the biggest mistake he had ever made in ministry. He was a watcher, but he didn't say or do anything.

In our culture today, the default thought is, "I need to mind my own business." But within the church community, there is a way to address things graciously and lovingly because you are your brother's keeper. We are charged to watch over and care for our brothers and sisters out of love and genuine concern.

When the church does this well—when it becomes a community that lovingly and rightly steps into each other's lives to seek wholeness with the right posture and humility—we become a community that practices true restoration. When the world sees a community where people actually fight for one another’s health and pursue Christ together, they see something compelling that they don't have and want to experience for themselves.

As we look at this passage today, I want to break it down into three questions:

1. Why is this true?

2. How do we do it?

3. What do we need to remember?

1. Why Is This True? The Standard for Relational Health

Why is it that practicing these things attracts the world and creates a compelling witness? Because the world has no rubric or standard for relational health. Society is breaking down relationally. Survey after survey in America shows that one-third of people have broken family relationships—people they don't speak to or have completely cut off.

The world has no real pattern for restoring those breaks. Psychologists offer best practices, which are fine and good, but behind it all, secular culture offers no ultimate reason to fight for reconciliation. It’s simply easier to cut people off and move on.

In the church, however, we have an "ought." We have a clear reason why. God is a Father who seeks after His people, chases them down, and draws them to Himself. He did that for us. Because He has been gracious, pursuing, and loving to us, He calls us to model that exact same behavior toward one another.

God loves us so much that He won't leave us alone in our sin and mistakes. At times, He speaks to us directly, or He sends a brother or sister alongside us to admonish and encourage us out of love.

Remember, this passage comes right on the heels of the Parable of the Lost Sheep in Matthew 18. If a shepherd has ninety-nine sheep and one strays, the shepherd goes directly after the one that is lost. When sin enters a believer's life and causes a relational break with God, pulling them away from His lordship and teachings, God’s heart is to pursue them. This process in Matthew 18 is simply the physical enactment of a community doing what God does: pursuing a brother or sister to see them made whole.

When the world sees a church that loves, prays for, and battles for one another—a community that says, "I love you enough to tell you when something is hurting your life, rather than just letting it go on"—it is drawn to that. The goal isn't to be shiny, fake people or spiritual police who demand external conformity. Verse 15 says: "If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone." It’s not about shaming or public calling out. The text explicitly says: "If he listens to you, you have gained your brother." The goal is always to gain them and reunite them with Christ.

2. How Do We Do It? Pursuit, Process, and Redemptive Boundaries

So how do we carry this out? The passage walks us through three distinct elements:

A. Pursuit

We begin by pursuing our brother or sister. In verse 15, the earliest fourth-century manuscripts (like Codex Sinaiticus) actually omit the phrase "against you" and simply read: "If your brother sins, go to him." So while this applies to personal offenses, it also applies broadly whenever we see a fellow believer wandering into destructive patterns.

We must build relational connections that give us permission to speak deeply and lovingly into each other's lives. I have long-time friends where we have enough trust that I can walk up to them and say, "I love you, but I need to be honest with you about something," and I know they can do the same with me. You have to be a receiver of that kind of accountability, too.

Remember where the phrase "brother's keeper" comes from. In Genesis, after Cain murders Abel, God asks, "Where is your brother?" Cain coldly replies, "Am I my brother's keeper?" The rest of the Bible answers that question with a resounding yes.

Throughout the Old Testament, God commands His people that if they see a neighbor's ox straying—even an enemy's ox—they cannot ignore it. They must take care of it and return it. How much more should we care for a brother or sister's soul? As the 20th-century monk Thomas Merton famously said:

"Because no man is an island, I cannot perfectly realize the will of God for my own life unless I am helping my brother and sister realize it for theirs."

B. Process

Jesus gives us a clear, stepped process that takes time:

1. Private Conversation: Address the issue one-on-one.

2. Two or Three Witnesses: If they won't listen, bring one or two others along so that every charge is established (v. 16).

3. Tell the Church: If they still refuse to listen, bring it before the church body (v. 17).

Taking one or two others adds weight and perspective, ensuring it’s not just a personal clash of opinions. But notice what Jesus connects to this process in verses 18–20:

"Whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven... For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them."

This is about heavenly authority operating through the local church. That authority should make us approach this process with extreme care, prayerfulness, and humility. You wouldn't handle a dangerous weapon flippantly; similarly, we must never handle the councils of God flippantly.

This isn't a magic formula where two people can agree on anything and demand a million dollars from God. In context, "two or three gathered" refers to a praying community seeking God's mind and discernment to mirror heavenly counsel regarding a brother or sister's restoration. It requires slow, patient, gentle grace—the same slowness God shows to us.

C. Justice and Redemptive Boundaries

If someone refuses to listen even to the church, Jesus says: "Let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector."

In the secular world, justice is often retributive or punitive—it's about laying the hammer down to punish someone. But God's discipline is always redemptive. Even when God sent Israel into exile, His goal was always for them to feel the sorrow of His absence so that they would repent and return.

Placing someone outside of fellowship reflects the reality of the relational break their sin has caused, but the heart position of the church is to keep praying for their return.

We see this played out in scripture:

• In 1 Corinthians 5, Paul instructs the church to break fellowship with a man engaging in blatant, unrepentant sexual immorality.

• In 2 Corinthians 2:5–8, the man has apparently repented, and Paul writes back: "This punishment by the majority is sufficient... You should instead forgive and comfort him, otherwise he may be overwhelmed by excessive grief. Therefore, I urge you to reaffirm your love to him."

The penalty is never meant to be permanent condemnation; the goal is always restoration.

3. What We Need to Remember: Gospel-Rooted Humility

As we navigate this, we must keep two vital truths in mind:

First, we must remember that a church is fallible. A community can act in the wrong spirit if it isn't careful. When a group comes around you lovingly, it requires humility to listen rather than letting pride dig in. But history also shows us moments like Martin Luther standing before the Catholic Church, refusing to recant because he was anchored in the absolute truth of Scripture. We must ensure our hearts are right before God above all else.

Second, we can never do this in the flesh. If we turn this passage into a cold series of checkboxes, it becomes nothing more than a self-righteous TED talk. In the flesh, human beings are naturally self-righteous. We love to see the faults in others while ignoring our own, using spiritual authority to lord it over people.

Jesus asks: How can you take the speck out of your brother’s eye when you have a log in your own?

It is only when you understand the gospel—that you are not saved by works, nor kept by works, but entirely by God’s grace—that self-righteousness dies. When you realize that you fall short every day and are constantly in need of grace, it postures you correctly.

You can never approach a brother or sister to judge or "one-up" them. Instead, you come alongside them in humility, saying, "I am a sinner saved by grace. I have failures in my own life, but because I love you, I want to point this out so we can pursue Christ together."

Live as a Community of Restoration

Our calling isn't to walk around bringing the hammer down on people. Our calling is to bring grace, love, and encouragement, calling one another to the upward pursuit of Christ.

When the world looks at the church and sees people who aren't trying to act "shiny" or self-righteous, but who truly love, protect, and restore one another with grace and truth, it sees Jesus.

Closing Prayer

Lord, I pray for myself and for our church in this. This is a heavy topic, and one that has often been the source of deep pain and sorrow in people's lives. I pray that what was spoken today is heard rightly from Your Word and that the Spirit would plant the right seeds in our hearts.

Forgive me where I have not spoken eloquently or perfectly according to Your Word. Help us as a church—and the broader global church—to reflect Your glory, Your counsel, and Your heart. Raise up a church that is not a source of harm to the sheep, but one that is careful, loving, encouraging, and restorative.

Help us walk in great care and great grace together. We commit these things to You in Jesus' name. Amen.