Our brother's keeper

Scripture Reading: Matthew 18:15–20

This morning's passage is actually coming from Matthew 18. Matthew 18, verses 15 to 20:

"If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. Truly I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, there I am."

This is God's word.

Introduction

This passage is really at the end of the day about Jesus's desire for the church to be a community of people who are always seeking healing and health and restoration. Even the process that he spells out has at the core of it the goal in mind to see that health within a body, because he knows number one what sin can do to a body, but he also knows left unchecked how that can just continue to perpetuate in a way that destroys not just the individual, but a group of believers. It has this impact of spreading throughout the body.

And yet I am also mindful that this passage has been the source of a lot of pain and turmoil and misunderstanding within the church. And so as we approach this scripture, I want to make sure that we rightly understand it and rightly have in mind how to apply and carry it out in our lives. Because I've seen different extremes, and maybe some of you have felt on one extreme where people see this as sort of a checklist that you run through just so that you can pronounce judgment on a person. Not the kind of judgment that would lead them to repentance, but the kind of judgment that might rebuke and be vindictive and condemn them in such a way that it just leaves them wounded. It becomes something that doesn't have the goal of what this whole passage is about: reconciliation, restoration. At the end of the day, that is the goal in a passage like this.

We can see how at times—and I have known stories, and maybe you've even been on that end of it in your life—where a group of people gathered together and began to condemn you in a way that you felt was unjust and unfair, misunderstood in many ways. But that doesn't mean that we should give up on the process that Jesus has outlined for us. It means that we should rightly understand and strive to do that, because it's worth fighting for one another for the good of one another. That's ultimately what this passage is about—not about being the spiritual police looking out for the sins of other people so that you can hit them with zingers. If we rightly understand who we are and what God has done for us, it makes us approach this passage with great humility.

Because on the other end of that spectrum—and I've also seen this too—you can have people who see something going on in the heart of people, and they have this relational connection with somebody around them, and they never come alongside their brother and sister and say, "Hey, I think this is awfully proud," or "I think your heart's not right about this." And that left unchecked can begin to perpetuate. I've watched it to where an individual and a group of individuals all see it, all know it, but nobody says anything. Ultimately what happens is that just continues to destroy the life of this person, and it begins to hurt the community that watches it happening as well, because it begins to inflict disagreements and disputes depending on what that sin is and how it carries out.

I was talking to a man one time who had been a youth leader in his younger years, and he talked about how even within there, he was a young guy and he developed relationships with these various youth. He knew he was close enough to know that some of them were hanging out with a crowd that wasn't so great, and even though they were underage, they were going out on the weekends and drinking heavily and getting drunk, and there was just all sorts of mistakes that was also leading to in their lives. He was having a conversation and debate with his wife in their young 20s: "Is it our business? Do we say anything? What if we call that out and they leave and we lose our influence?" These were the worries that were circling in their mind, and they never did anything. Eventually those sins perpetuated even more so, and they became destructive in the lives of other people, and it ultimately led to them falling away and that youth group being very injured. He said it was the biggest mistake he had ever made in ministry in his life, because he saw—he was a watcher—but he didn't say anything, he didn't do anything.

We can think in our world today like, "I need to mind my own business," but within the church community, there is a way to do this graciously and lovingly, because you are your brother's keeper. We are charged to watch over and caretake out of love and concern for our brother and sister, because sometimes that's necessary and needed.

When we do this well—and I don't just mean us at One Hope, but I mean when the church does this well, when it becomes a community that lovingly and rightly steps into the lives of one another, seeking wholeness with the right posture and with the right humility—we become a kind of community that practices restoration. Something about that, when the world sees a kind of communal restoration where people fight for one another and the good of one another and the health of one another so that everyone pursues the upward call of Christ in their lives, we become something that the world sees and wants to experience for themselves. We become something the world sees it does not have and wants to experience for themselves.

So as we look at this passage today, I'm going to break it down into a few things just as we travel through it:

First is why is this true?

The second is how do we do it?

And the third is what we need to remember.

Why Is This True?

Why is it that practicing these things will become an attraction to the world, will become something compelling in its witness? It's because the world has no rubric or standard for relational health. We are breaking down as a society relationally. Outside of the church, just in our society as a whole, studies and surveys now show that one-third of people in surveys in America actually point to the fact that they have within their family broken relationships, people that they do not speak to anymore, people that they have cut off in their life. Maybe you've experienced it for yourself; maybe you're going through something like that in your own life.

The world has no pattern for restoring that. Psychologists try to give some best practices or some ways to handle those things in life, and that's fine, that's okay, that's good. But behind it all, there's no reason to. There's no reason to seek relational health with your brother and sister in the world.

But in the church, we have an ought. We have a reason why: because God is a person who seeks after his people, who chases them down and draws them to himself. He has done that with us. Then he calls us to be like him, to model that because he has been gracious to us, because he has pursued us, because he has been loving to us. He calls us to model that kind of same behavior in us and in our lives toward one another as well.

So we see that the world has no reason—it's just easier to cut people off and move on. And that's not a condemnation on people. If you're walking through that, if you're experiencing that, I realize there are unique situations and all sorts of things that can go on in life. But at the same time, we have to see that within the church we have a reason, a reason to do this, because God loves us and he models this to us. In fact, he loves us so much that he won't leave us alone. He won't leave us in our sin and in our mistakes. There will be times where he will speak to us or he will send our brother and sister alongside to exhort us, to admonish us, to call things and say, "Hey brother, hey sister, I think you need to hear this," and to do so with love.

This passage comes right on the heels of a passage of a parable about the lost sheep, and it conveys God's heart to go after the stray. If a shepherd has 99 sheep and one has strayed off, who's the shepherd thinking about? The shepherd thinks about the one. The shepherd goes after to find that lost, straying sheep. Then he tells this piece right here in Matthew 18 just after it. If we see the connection, we can actually see that God's heart is to pursue people. When there is sin in their life that is causing them to stray, that is causing a relational break with God, that is causing them to move and gravitate their lives away from him and away from his lordship and away from his character and his teachings in their life, God wants to go after his people and pursue them and call them and draw them.

Part of this is just the enactment of a community of people that then do that same thing. They model that same sort of posture and behavior in their own lives to pursue your brother and sister, to see them be whole, to love them, to be committed to them, because God is committed to restoring relationships. We serve a God who wants to see us whole and healthy, who wants to see us not straying, but to be pulled back to him, not missing the mark.

So out of love, he calls us. He at times sends a brother or a sister in our life to call us—not to condemn us, not to judge us, not to be self-righteous over us, but to be gracious out of love and care. When the world sees a community of people—and I know it can be done wrong—but when the world sees a community of people who love one another, who pray for one another, who battle for one another, who are gracious to one another, and yet at times say, "Hey, I think this is hurtful to your life, I think this is unhealthy in your life, and I love you enough to tell you and not just let it go on..."

And just as a side note, it's usually actually because you're close enough to that person. It's not usually even an external thing in our culture; oftentimes it's just a posture of our heart in our life. You're talking to someone and you hear a harshness or pride or something that's going on, and you see it repeatedly. As I've said before, this doesn't make us the spiritual police. It doesn't mean we need to run around checking everybody's sin box. That can so quickly get out of control, or what we can wind up doing is becoming a community that only values external conformity: "Let's be shiny people, and if anybody's not acting shiny, then they're out of line and we need to get onto them." That's not the heart of this passage either.

The heart of this passage at the end of the day, as we see even in verse 15: "If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone." See, it's not about shaming the person. It's not about calling them out. "And if he listens to you, you've gained your brother." You've gained your sister. The goal is to gain them. The goal is to reunite them with Christ. When we model something like that with grace and with humility and the right posture, the world sees that and they are drawn to that, because there is no community that fights so diligently for the good of one another, because that is what God has done for us, pursuing after us.

Are you astray? Then you don't even necessarily always have to hear the voice of your brother and sister. That's why as a community of people, we should listen to the Lord. We should let his word and our time in prayer speak to us. Do we have the courage to engage a brother and sister with the right heart to pursue and fight for them?

How Do We Do It?

So, how do we do this? How do we carry this out? This passage, I think, walks us through it.

1. Pursuit

First, it says pursuit. We do this through the pursuit of a brother or sister. As verse 15 says, "If your brother sins against you..." Actually, the earliest manuscripts are a little bit divided, fourth and fifth century. Codex Sinaiticus actually doesn't have "against you" in it. It just says, "If your brother sins..." So if your brother or sister sins, then go to them.

There's a process that could apply specifically in the sense of offense, but it could also apply generally in the life of a believer, in the life of a community of believers as we see things in one another's life. The thing is to go, to pursue them, to love them, to have the relational connection in their life and to have the permission to speak deep and loving things to them. I've got friends who I have known a long time, and I hope you do as well, and I know that I have that relational place in their life where I can walk up to them and say, "Hey man, I love you. I need to be honest with you about something right now." I know that they could do that with me. It's important that you also be a receiver as well for that—that there are people in your life who can speak those things to you, who you can trust and be open with, so that we can pursue our brother and sister.

At the end of the day, we are our brother's keeper. That doesn't mean again that we're watching over people and trying to zing them; that's the wrong understanding. What does Jesus have in mind? That phrase comes all the way back from Genesis. Right after Cain kills his brother Abel, the Lord says, "Where's your brother?" Cain famously replies and says, "Am I my brother's keeper?"—coldly toward God. In essence, Bible commentators will tell you the rest of the Bible answers that question with a resounding yes. Yes, you care for your brother. You pursue your brother. You love your brother and sister.

You see throughout the Old Testament all sorts of commands that remind us of this sort of thing. If your brother's ox is going astray and you see it on your watch, you don't just let it happen. Or if it comes into your pasture, you don't just go, "Oh well, he lost it, too bad it's mine now." Oh, no. Scripture reminds us even if he's an enemy of yours, even though he's one of the Israelites, you have to caretake for him. You have to watch over him and watch over the good of his household and his home and his things.

Thomas Merton was a 20th-century monk. I used to love what he said. He said: "No man is an island. I cannot perfectly realize the will of God for my own life unless I'm helping my brother and sister realize it for theirs." Part of us going to our brother and sister is to help them grow in Christ, to help them embrace the fullness of what he desires for them. If there are things that are detrimental in their life that you see, sometimes the most loving thing can be to graciously say, "Hey, have you thought about this? Have you seen this?"—to speak truth to one another, to be honest with one another. Ephesians 4:32 reminds us: "Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as Christ forgave you." We must be patient with one another and kind with one another, not running around to just correct people.

2. Process

The second thing we see here is process. Jesus has outlined a process for this. Part of the reason for this is because it gives us time. This is not a quick checklist that goes through.

Let's look here at verse 16: "But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector."

We have this process that's outlined here. Sometimes if one person is talking to you about something, you're like, "Man, I'm not listening to you. Whatever. You don't know what you're talking about," or "How dare you say that to me." So time is given. Maybe you came and said, "Hey, I think there's this thing," and then they don't really listen to you and it perpetuates over time, and you see it growing worse. Maybe somebody else sees it as well. The two of you come graciously and say, "Hey, I think there's something going on." You can talk about it together, and it adds weight to it.

As a community begins to increasingly come around an individual and have these conversations, you've got to do so prayerfully. The rest of this passage actually is linking the seriousness of this, because it's done so wrong and misunderstood and not taken with the right weight and severity. Let me read this real quick, verses 18 to 20:

"Truly I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, there I am among them."

This phraseology where he's saying whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven—he talked about this a couple chapters ago. In fact, Derek preached about it about a month ago, where we talked about the fact that there's some sense of heavenly authority that he is transmitting and giving to the apostles or to the church. We see pretty clearly here that it's expanded to the local church having some sort of reflection of God's kingdom and God's authority in how it operates. If that is true, we ought to approach this with real carefulness. I wouldn't take a weapon and just be flippant in the way that I use it, right? In the councils of God, you stand trying to mirror and reflect these heavenly kinds of decrees. It doesn't mean it's a rubber stamp for us like, "Whatever you say, God's going to say." That's not it. God's kingdom is supreme. We are reflecting his councils, and we ought to prayerfully, carefully, thoughtfully, discerningly understand the weight of that and the humility that that requires, because I know that a group of people can become wrong-spirited about this and inflict damage. Maybe some of you in your hearts have experienced this, and I'm sorry.

But Jesus still talks about it, so we still need to understand what he is saying. It's so important to think about the severity, the carefulness, the watchfulness. When you come alongside somebody, it should never be, "Hey man, you got this sin in your life." That's completely the wrong posture. It should be with humility, graciousness: "Brother, sister, I'm not sure if that's healthy. I'm not sure if that's what God really desires." Do you see the gentleness that you should come alongside with? Whether it's an individual or a church, there should be a real graciousness to this, because we do wield something powerful. There should be real time given to it, prayerfully. Don't rush through this. Some of the wisest churches and pastors and elders that I've seen have always walked through this carefully, slowly, giving time for people to repent. What is the model of God in this? He does the same: gracious, slow, walking through, increasingly warning us. He does this with Israel; he's done it with us. You know he's been gracious with you, so be gracious with your brother and sister.

3. Justice

The third thing that we see here is justice. You can call it discipline, but I use "justice" because there are a few different defining terms. In the criminal system, you can have retributive justice or punitive justice—really both of those are to punish them: "They did wrong, we're going to lay the hammer down on you." That's not really the goal of God's justice.

You find throughout scripture that when God brings his judgment, number one, he's being gracious and warning and slow, giving people time. But even when he sends Israel away in exile, even when he sends people in times of judgment throughout the book of Judges, he always longs for them to return. He always longs for them to come back, to find themselves far away from God and feel the soberness and sorrow of being removed from God's presence, letting that lead a person to repentance.

That's the goal even in verse 17: "If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector." There's this sense of putting out, of a relational break. If sin separates us from God and there's a relational break mirrored by God's people, it's like an exile, but the goal isn't to keep them there. The goal isn't to condemn them, but to love them and pray for their return. That's a different posture, a different heart and spirit.

We see this carried out in 1 Corinthians 5, where a guy is sleeping with his daughter-in-law. Paul writes to the church: "You guys aren't dealing with it, and that's a problem. Remove him, break fellowship from him." But again, the goal isn't to leave him like that. Most Bible commentators believe Paul is talking about the same exact scenario when he picks up in 2 Corinthians chapter 2. There seems to be repentance that's happened, and he writes to the church:

"If anyone has caused pain, he has caused pain not so much to me, but to some degree to all of you. This punishment by the majority is sufficient for that person. As a result, you should instead forgive and comfort him, otherwise he may be overwhelmed by excessive grief. Therefore, I urge you to reaffirm your love to him."

It's the reminder that the goal is restoration, because that's God's goal. That should always be our goal in our heart for people.

What We Need to Remember

So, what do we need to remember?

1. The goal at the end of the day is that people might hear from the Lord, and that we might love one another to be honest with one another. If there are detrimental, hurtful things happening in a person's life, give it time. Give it prayer. You don't need to run to people right away; that's the wrong heart about this. But there may be a time and place where you have to address it lovingly, respectfully, humbly, and seriously.

2. We reflect the councils of God. When you begin to have a group of people that come around that are prayerfully doing this—that's that whole thing about whatever you ask in my name, you're asking ultimately for discernment. There's a prayer element happening here. That verse is not that whatever you ask you can have, like a genie in a bottle. This is talking about a community of people that are interceding and trying to understand the will of God so they may mirror the heavenly councils in a careful way.

A church needs to know that it is fallible, that it doesn't always perfectly do this, and have the humility and sobriety to be thoughtful and to listen. But I will say that for a person to ignore a whole group of people and not hear—because "not hearing" is mentioned several times in this passage—there is a bit of pride in that. If there are a group of people around you trying to gently and lovingly point something out, it might be worth just listening to and seeking the Lord and his word.

To balance it, in church history, the Catholic Church condemned Martin Luther because he was teaching things, and he said, "I'll stand on scripture." There was this famous moment where they asked him to recant his teachings, and he said, "I stand on God's word, because I know before God that I'm upholding this." The big thing is to go to God to make sure that your heart is right before you take a posture against a group of people.

Conclusion: The Gospel-Centered Posture

This can't be just a series of simple best practices. I could sit here and say, "Check box, check box, check box," but at some point this just becomes a TED talk. There's no compelling reason unless we understand the heart of God behind all of this. Our desire is to see people growing in him, to see health in their own lives, and to fight and strive for them as a community of people.

When we do this, we become a community of people that mirrors this relational health and love and care over one another, and there's something compelling about that. But we can't do it on our own. We can try to go through these series of steps, and we can still do this with the wrong heart. We can do it all in the flesh. We can say, "Well, we're the church, we're on God's side, we know his councils," and because we are in the flesh, we tend to be self-righteous. We tend to see the faults of others and not see our own faults. What does that do? It makes you proud.

Can you rightly approach your brother or sister when that self-righteousness is in your own heart? Can you rightly strive for their wholeness or is it just so you can be over them as some sort of spiritual authority?

It's only when you understand the gospel. It's only when you understand what Christ has done, when you understand that I am not saved by works and I am not continued through the Christian life by works. Ultimately, it's all about his grace. Even the level of repentance happening in my life is the wooing of God. I have no self-righteousness to stand on. I have nothing in me that should elevate me to pride over anyone around me.

When we understand the fact that we have all fallen short of the glory of God and that we are all still a work in progress, that we all still carry things in our life where at any moment a brother or sister could turn to us lovingly and say, "Have you seen the self-righteousness in your own heart?"—when you understand that, it postures you rightly. You can never come to someone with self-righteousness or a wrong-heartedness that seeks to judge them or be a spiritual lord over their lives. It makes you come alongside them and say, "Man, maybe I've got more in my life. Maybe I need to have you look into my life, but I do see this, and I do love you."

When we understand the gospel, we can admit our own failures, we can receive his grace, and then we can come with the right posture, the right humility, and the right heart to seek the good of our brother and sister. That's how a community fights for one another and loves one another. You cannot realize fully the will of God for your life until you help your brother and sister.

It's not always admonishing—sometimes it's just encouraging them, building them up, strengthening them. So much of our job isn't to bring the hammer; it's to bring the grace and the love and the encouragement to call them to the upward pursuit of Christ. May they do the same for us out of love and concern for us. May we all together be a community that heals and restores one another, pursuing Christ, pursuing holiness, reflecting him to this world. Because when the world sees that—people who really love one another, who aren't trying to be self-righteous—there's something compelling to the world, something filled with grace and mercy, full of grace and truth just like Christ.

Let's pray.

Closing Prayer

Lord, I just pray for myself in this, Lord. I pray that what I've spoken today, though a heavy topic in some ways and though often the source of much pain and sorrow in people's lives, I pray, Lord, that whatever was heard today is heard rightly from your word, and that the Spirit would plant the right seeds in our heart. I pray you forgive me if I have not spoken this well or eloquently or rightly according to your word.

I pray, Lord, that you would help us as a church, but also the church at large, to strive to reflect the glory of God and your councils, your heart, your good. I pray, Father, that you raise up a church around this world that's not a source of hurt and harm to the sheep, but one that is careful and loving, building up, encouraging, because I know that is your heart, Father. We just pray that you would help us to walk in that with great care, with great grace. We commit these things to you in Jesus' name. Amen.